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In the past stories were told. We had storytellers. But as technology, movies, and television developed, we’ve become used to seeing & experiencing stories.  We’re now expected to be storyshowers in books as well.

We write in one of two ways:

Real-time scenes – with specific action, dialogue, characters, a place, a time (Showing)

&

Summary – where you tell the reader what happens (Telling)

All novels use both to a degree but the balance should always be heavily on the side of scenes. Scenes invite the reader to experience whereas summary keeps readers at a distance.

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Before:

I should never have taken Aaron’s challenge. Jumping off a cliff into the river was crazy and downright dangerous. Looking down to the river, I was scared witless. I froze. There’s no way I could jump. Aaron asked if I was okay.

After:

What the hell! I’m standing on a cliff, at least eight metres above the Swan River, looking into the mesmerizing, rippling water below. Aaron kept me completely in the dark about the challenge and it was only as I rode my bike along Blackwall Reach in Bicton and saw signs advising against cliff jumping I worked out what he had in store for me.

I’ve driven with Mum past the river along Canning Highway and the Freeway but I haven’t been this close to it.

The water looks dark and deep and you can’t see to the bottom like you can with a pool. Who knows what’s

swirling beneath the surface? My imagination’s going crazy. I mean, the signs say – jumping off the cliff can

cause serious injury or death. Death! They wouldn’t have put those signs up for nothing. I need to get out of

this stupid challenge but how? I’m all for being brave, but this is reckless. I’ve never jumped off anything higher

than a few metres before.

Aaron is beside himself with excitement. When I was little and burning off energy, Nan would say I had ants running amok in my pants. Aaron reminds me of that, now. He rushes to the edge of the cliff, looks over, and whoops at the top of his voice. I, on the other hand, only swim in pools, on rare occasions. I am silent, unmoving. He couldn’t have picked a better challenge to scare me witless.

It’s a magic spring morning with a clear blue sky, a bright sun steadily rising into the sky, and barely a breath of wind. Perfect conditions for jumping off a cliff.

‘What do you think?’ he says and nudges me with his elbow. This is stupid, crazy, idiotic, that’s what I think. I want to drop to my knees and grab hold of the rocky outcrops to stop me falling to the depths below but they’re craggy and sharp, so I brace myself instead. My legs lock and my body tightens.

‘All the kids at school talk about this. I’ve always wanted to do it and now we can. I mean, I can. Can you?’

He is such an arrogant little shit.

I close my eyes and suck in some deep breaths. I let the warm sun and gentle wafting breeze embrace me, calm me. It’s only water. I jump and land in the water. No big deal.

I open my eyes and look out over the winding river and the blue, cloudless sky. Yachts, moored in the shelter of the cliffs, bob lazily with the passing of other boats. The sun is playing, creating its own twirling glitter ball of lights dancing on the water’s surface. Either side of me are the towering limestone cliffs snaking along the edge of the river. Their white jutting pillars, dotted with tufts of green, lookout, like sentinels, over the water.

‘Do you want to go first?’ Aaron asks. He leans towards me. ‘Are you okay? Your eyes are as big as side plates and you’re looking a little pale.’

What a stupid question. I’m not going first. I want to see how this is done and whether he survives the leap.

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  The Before paragraph is pure summary. It shows us, from a distance and without any real detail, what happened.

  The After paragraphs, on the other hand, show.

  What makes the difference?

1. Detail – especially sensory detail, the kind we can see, hear, taste, touch or smell. Also, there’s a definite time and place. Events don’t just happen in white space but within a world that is present to the senses.

       In the first paragraph, we are told the challenge is dangerous. In the second, we know it is because of the signage, the boy’s

       thoughts/concerns about the height of the cliff, the swirling dark water, and what it could be hiding.

    2. Action - Specifics are the key here.

      The After shows the boys’ personalities, how they are opposites – Aaron rushing about excited and Leroy rooted to the spot and

      quiet. ‘I froze.’ Becomes: 'I want to drop to my knees and grab hold of the rocky outcrops to stop me falling to the depths below

      but they're craggy and sharp, so I brace myself instead. My legs lock and my body tightens.'

    3. Dialogue – is the third key to showing. If you say, ‘Aaron asked if I was okay.’ you’re summarising.

      But, if you say, ‘Are you okay? Your eyes are as big as side plates and you’re looking a little pale,’ you’re showing. We hear what’s  

      said and the tone etc.

Word of caution – it is a balancing act. You need to write scenes and summaries. More scenes but on occasions, summaries.

Summaries are needed, at times, to transition a character’s routines that aren’t crucial to a story. Habits such as hearing the alarm clock, shuffling to the kitchen for that first hot mug of coffee or tea, getting dressed, and other mundane activities. If you must mention an action and it’s NOT crucial to the story, use a simple summary. ‘She brushed her teeth.’

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Scenes - Don’t rush through writing your scenes or try to pack in too many details or cover too much time. Focus on bringing each moment to life.